Tales of an Urban Detox: the beginning.

"Why even bother with a Detox?  You already look great," remarked one of my members this morning.  "Well thank you," I replied, "but it's not about how I look, it's about how I feel."

I'll be the first one to admit that this year, I fell back on that old standby - "but it's Summer!" - as justification to drink a glass of wine (or three, or...) or chow down on pizza in the wee hours of the morning.  It feels so good, doesn't it?  Everyone is in vacation mode; everyone is at someone's rooftop party; sidewalk cafes are open and Sunday brunch feels like it could last forever.

But as October came rolling around with its crazy seasonal changes and cute fall clothes, I realized this excuse was not only invalid, but ridiculous.  My body was still feeling the effects of a Summer's worth of "excuses": drinks, parties, late night snacks and not so pretty mornings.

When my best friend, holistic health coach, Shaklee business partner, and all-around amazing woman Jen Morris (www.meethealthyjenny.com) mentioned she was doing a pre-holiday Detox, I couldn't say no.  I knew it was time.  In fact, we had tossed around the idea of starting this in August as a pre-Fall Detox... but I venture to say we were (or at least I was) still pretty content to use the "it's Summer!" excuse while the days remained long.

So I committed with Jen to do her 14-day "Detox in A Box" - not sure what I was in for but knowing it was time to show my body some extra L-O-V-E.   In the end, we opted to start the Detox on Monday, 17 October so we could "break it" on Halloween - just in time to kick off the holiday season with a bunch of drunk people wearing inappropriately revealing clothing they would never be caught dead in the other 364 days of the year.  Ah, the joys of the season.

Here is the beginning of my LOVE story...


Thursday, 13 October
I add Shaklee Liver DTX, Pre- & Pro-biotic Complex, Alfalfa, and Herb-Lax Supplements to my monthly Shaklee supplement order.  Can't wait to get my package!  This is going to be great.

Jen emails me the fully designed "Detox in A Box" program and I have to admit, I am a little bit in awe!  It is extremely thorough, with day-to-day and step-by-step guidelines to help get you through the cleanse.  Even a handy shopping list to get prepped!  I am feeling good and super positive about the two weeks ahead of me.



Sunday, 16 October
I meet up with Jen to go over last minute Detox details, borrow some supplements to tide me over until my package comes... and promptly start to drink wine.  Lots of it.  Oh and I eat a generous portion of pizza too.  After all, it's going to be my last time doing these things for a while - might as well go for it, right?!



Monday, 17 October 
DETOX DAY 1: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU NEED A DETOX, JACKASS!!


Wrong.  
That reasoning is even more ludicrous than the "it's Summer" crap.
Now I feel like crap.  I went to bed late, had trouble sleeping, didn't drink enough water.  On top of it I feel like I've been fighting some sort of cold all weekend.  Basically my body hates me and I have no one to blame but myself.  I wake up feeling horrible and ALL I WANT IS COFFEE.
But I'm not allowed to have coffee.  I can have as much green tea as I want... but no coffee.
Dammit.
Maybe I'll start the Detox tomorrow.
Jen won't mind if I'm a day behind, will she?
It's just one little day...

I debate for a moment.  Then I realize... I made a commitment - not only to my friend, but to myself.  I got myself feeling this way and need to take responsibility for it.  I pull it together and take a look at Jen's beautifully designed guide.  All I need to do today is give up caffeine and sugar and get started on the supplements.  OK, I can do this.  One step at a time.  I chug a mug of green tea, get in the shower, and get myself moving.

By the time the day is over I have taught four classes, discovered a gorgeous Vegan restaurant on the Upper West Side and already have a new favorite "cleanse-approved" sandwich.  I am exhausted but feeling seriously much better just knowing I have taken the first step in the process of cleaning out the crap in my system.  I even muster the strength to drop in to my local bodega on the way home and get all the fresh veggies I need to create Jen's special "Detox broth."  I come home, eat my sandwich, take my nighttime supplements, take a soothing hot shower and promptly pass out by 11pm for the first time in I don't know how long.



Tuesday, 18 October
DETOX DAY 2: THIS IS YOUR BRAIN.  THIS IS YOUR BRAIN WITHOUT COFFEE.


My alarm is set for 8am and I wake up quickly after sleeping like a baby all night.  I diligently prep my warm water with fresh lemon juice, and chug it while I sit in bed and watch New York 1's "What's in the Papers" and get caught up on the weather report.  Then it's onto healthy breakfast with supplements and green tea.

I feel super positive, like I am ready to really delve into these next two weeks with wild abandon, loving and caring for my body in ways I never had before.  I am a different person than the hungover, sickly mess I was  the day before.  It is as if I can feel the toxins thanking me for releasing them from my body.  I am ready to take on the world!

Then, it happens.

I am on the train on the way to teach my first class of the day when it hits me, slowly at first and then increasing in intensity as the ride goes on - like a vice mounted on my temples and tightening with each stop of the subway...(insert dramatic music here): the caffeine headache.  I launch out of the train and drag myself and my aching head to the first Starbucks I can find.  "Well... I guess I'll have green tea" I say dejectedly to the overly perky gentleman at the counter.  I pay for my ridiculously overpriced teabag and hot water and shuffle my way over to the gym.  It is time to motivate people to be the best they can be.  Woo. Hoo.

I warn my loyal members that I am on a cleanse and am off coffee for two weeks.  I still kick their butts of course, knowing exercise is a great way to keep the blood flowing and toxins moving along.  Several of them actually come up to me after class to offer their condolences, citing coffee as the single reason they would never be able to participate in a detox.  "But green tea is OK..." I remark weakly.

I successfully make it through three more classes without totally melting down.  In fact, the mellow caffeine boost from green tea is more effective than the high followed by the crash and burn coffee usually delivers.  As I sit on the bus home holding my temples, I remind myself that in a few short days that vice will be gone.  In more ways than one.

My assignment today is to cut out meat (except fish), dairy, and eggs.  Totally doable as I was back by my newly-beloved Vegan hotspot earlier and have set myself up with some freshly made green juice and a hearty sandwich.

When I get home I muster the energy to rinse and chop my variety of healthy vegetables and prepare a pot of "Detox broth."  It smells like fall in my apartment and my headache is easing up.  I even run to Bed, Bath & Beyond to grab a new blender/smoothie maker (complete with $20 rebate no less!) so that later in the week I can make my healthy smoothies with ease.  I am owning this!

Then I realize what my actual challenge is going to be today when the phone rings.  One of my girlfriends just broke up with her man.  She needs some girl time and wants to drink wine and chat.
I can't drink wine.
I love wine.
A lot.
I invite her up to my apartment as I actually have some red left, sitting on the counter and staring at me next to my box of green tea.  Freaking green tea.

She comes over to talk and I pour the wine.  I see it.  I smell it.  (I want some).  But I focus on talking with her, trying to comfort her as she sips it comfortably.  There's definitely enough left for two.  I resist.  I walk over to my stove and ladle myself a big old cup of broth and hunker down with it.  It actually tastes wonderful and very...ehm... "healthy!"  We chat, cry, console, etc.  As she gets up to leave, I pour the rest of the wine into her water bottle as a "to go" gift.  Of course, this has the two-fold purpose of giving her some 'liquid comfort' for the road and getting that stuff off my counter.  Crisis averted!

Well, I made it through the Caffeine Headache from Hell and the Wine In Front of Your Face test.  I survived Day 2.  What adventures will come with Day 3...?